Maximum Ride: The WTF Chromosome
by Undercooked
Summary: Jeb Batchelder, who is totally evil, and his assistant, Dr. Nobodycaresenough, are experimenting with the highly volatile WTF chromosome. Story comes complete with insulting commentary by Max and the constant reminder that nobody cares enough. Enjoy.


**Disclaimer: **If I owned this series any less, it would be written in Polish and transcribed on twelve oak trees across the tristate area. Or...something to that effect.

**A/N:** It is cheerfully admitted that this story makes no sense. None. Nada. That's the fun. :)

**Maximum Ride: The WTF Chromosome**

**by: Undercooked**

Dr. Nobodycaresenough, an indistinct man in his late twenties, was standing reviewing some very important but very vague paperwork when Jeb Batchelder passed, calling,

"Come on, doctor."

"But, sir, I'm–"

"Nobody cares enough."

The young man sighed and followed obediently. The hallways of the School were long and echo-y, specially designed for long, brisk walks made while discussing highly indistinct scientific things.

"We're going to do an experiment, doctor." Jeb said. "Because I'm totally evil." Then, he stopped abruptly, turning and snatching off his strategically placed sunglasses to ask mysteriously, "Or am I?"

"I...don't know, sir." Dr. NCE faltered.

"Of course you don't. Nobody does. Anyway, we'll be studying the WTF chromosome." Jeb shrugged.

"What?! Everyone who's ever worked with the WTF chromosome has turned into a total asshole! Just look at Henderson!" cried Dr. NCE.

"Hey!" called Henderson from a water cooler placed in the middle of the hallway. "How it be hangin'? Want to go get some boo-TAY after work today?" He make a crude motion, as if he were smacked said boo-tay.

"See?" hissed NCE.

"Nobody cares enough." dismissed Jeb, waving his hand. If only he had listened...

"Hey, does anyone have a bad feeling about today?" asked Nudge, looking apprehensive.

"Nudge was a talker. She never shut the fuck up. Nobody ever had any peace when they were around this chick; she was like a huge ugly parrot." Max said. All she ever did was sit in a corner and narrate the lives of her friends, actually being rather insulting. Everyone just ignored her now.

"It feels just like every day." Iggy shrugged.

"Iggy was blind. Therefore, no-one cared about anything he said, because obviously, it was wrong. Nice kid, though." Max said from the corner.

"I know what you mean, Nudge. It feels like some middle-aged man is going to burst through the door at any moment and –" Gazzy began, but he was interrupted when Jeb and NCE burst through the door.

"In came Jeb and some unattractive young man whom I did not know. Jeb was probably evil, but no-one could tell for sure. I myself was often tricked by his innocent and elderly facade. What a bastard..." Max babbled.

Dr. NCE looked injured, but Jeb patted him on the arm.

"Don't look so down. She does that to everyone."

"Yes, well – "

"Nobody cares enough, boy."

"Alright..."

"What do you want?" asked Fang.

"Fang usually tried to be more aggressive than he actually was. In fact, inside, he was a small, emotionally disturbed child who cried himself to sleep every night. What a poser. Any self-righteous emo would be ashamed to know him....hell, even I was ashamed to know him." Max rattled off.

"We want to experiment with your fragile bodies and volatile child-like minds with dangerous chemicals." explained Jeb. "I mean...yeah. That's what I mean."

"Isn't it enough that we have wings?!?" cried Angel.

"Isn't it enough that the plot of this story already makes no sense?!?" cried Iggy.

"Nobody cares enough." shrugged NCE, and Jeb punched him in the arm for stealing his line.

"It appeared we freaky bird-children were about to undergo more violet experimentation at the hands of Jeb Batchelder. And not the kind of experimentation he did in college with those two guys from the rugby team. The bad kind, with chemicals and needles and no lollipops at the end." Max said ominously from her corner.

Jeb slowly drew a bow from his pocket, opened the lid, and exclaimed, "Behold! The WTF chromosome!"

"That's a Hello Kitty handbag." pointed out Nudge.

"It's INSIDE the Hello Kitty handbag." Jeb assured. "Along with a huge, menacing needle and a torque wrench."

"What's the wrench for?" asked NCE.

"Nobody cares enough." scoffed Jeb. The good doctor sulked.

What will happen to our freaky bird-children? What effects will the dreaded WTF chromosome have on them? How did they even get there in the fist place? Will anybody ever care enough?!? Find out! Next time. Not now. Now, you should probably stop reading. Now. Now. Nooooooow. Now. Okay, now. (Now.)


End file.
